And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
