the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
