We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's shark week go big or go home
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
