So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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