I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
