Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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