Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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