I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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