Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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