happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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