I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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