Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
