Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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