no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize