..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
