Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
