so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
