oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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