remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
