I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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