Will you blow on my dice?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
