Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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