He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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