My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
