so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
