I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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