Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
