How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
