Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
