You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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