During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
