...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
