I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
