I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
