She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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