Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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