I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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