hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
