I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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