so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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