imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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