I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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