The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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