So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
