I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
