i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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