The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
