well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
