We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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