Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
