I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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