Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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