Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
