no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
