So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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