I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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