at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
