I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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