Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dick very happy bro
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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