you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize