I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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