cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
