The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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