I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
