Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
